Moving on

I cancelled my MySpace account. An account I hadn’t looked at since 2008. I had procrastinated from logging back in because the period of my life that I was on MySpace was frankly a time that I wanted to just leave in the past. But there were pictures that I knew did not exist elsewhere that I wanted to save…and a blog that I wrote when I was in my late 20s and going through all kinds of "pain" and "torture" from various relationships. Stuff that really didn’t need to be on the interwebs anymore. I read that blog yesterday and remembered just how much I love writing…and just how happy I am to have made it safely into my 30s (33, Jesus age! My goal this year, per Michelle, is “don’t get crucified”).

I was somehow very insightful back then though. Phrases like “the therapeutic part of writing for me is not necessarily the words but the thought process. It's not what is said, but what I can read between the lines”, and “I think that loving - truly loving - and losing results in one of the most painful feelings that there can be, and it takes a lot of time and inner strength to get over that” really struck me. Reading about my decision to go back to grad school and my decision to finally quit my evil and unfulfilling Corporate America job…reading about my first days in grad school and meeting people who would eventually become my best friends. It made me that much more thankful to be where I am today.

I also blogged a lot about love, which just strikes me as funny right now. I was so obsessed with being in relationships, and being hurt, and being mad about it. I feel so far removed from that now. While not in a relationship, and having not been in one in years, I just can’t imagine writing about that part of my life (or lack thereof) for the whole world (rather, the whole MySpace world) to see. Ah, I have matured.

But I do want to take up writing again. Especially because right now in my life is a pretty pivotal time, having come back from four glorious months in San Francisco, getting ready to go back there for a to-be-determined amount of time, being able to (sort of) take a break from a PhD program that I have had a hard time accepting. "See Sara Plan" will be about many things. Planning my life and at the same time trying to accept NOT planning my life. But also, appropriately, my struggles with and opinions on urban planning, since it IS my grad school program after all! It will be an interesting journey over the next several months, to say the least. And yet, having reread that MySpace blog, I am still so much happier and in a much better place than I was three or four years ago. Thank you, MySpace blog, for helping me come to that realization…finally.